Whisper

What if death was about to come to you? What if you were accused of a sin you've never made? What if your loved ones would be put on danger because of you?

I was a witness of a crime that had been known for its vulgarity and mercilessness.

A crime that killed a family.

A crime blamed on me.

I was the witness, the witness of the sin, yet I was referred to as the killer. I was there: I held the knife, my clothes were drenched in blood, and at my foot were two corpses of a man and a woman.

I was called the murderer of this homicide. I was the one who pierced the heart of the woman. I was the one who slit the throat of the man.

I was the one who witnessed their last breaths.

I was innocent. I did not know how it happened. I would never do that to the man that I treated as my refuge. I would never do that to the woman I treated as my comfort. I would never do that to the family that is my home and what I could call mine.

I was conquered by a very fearsome force. After having a simple argument with the pair, I lost control of myself. I heard voices. Most were shouting, but one whispering. and I followed everything what the stronger told me to.

"Go to the kitchen" they said, as the whisper told the opposite.

"Get the knife" they said, as the whisper told the opposite.

"Find them" they said, as the whisper told the opposite.

Eventually the whisper was lost as the screams got louder.

"Don't hear their pleas" they said.

"Don't stop" they said.

I was controlled like a robot, by someone who wanted to take vengeance.

....

But then, the voices stopped.

I was crying. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I was in agony of the thought that I had not been strong enough and was controlled to destroy what I love.

I was on my knees. Sweat, tears and blood all mixing up in my palms. I covered my face using my hands, the same hands I used to kill.

I was in pain I was hurt by the depression that slowly envelops my body. Sadness slowly took away my energy, my power and my strength.

I was, again, controlled. I was unaware of what my hand was doing. I looked at the red knife that I held.

I was clueless. My right hand pointed the knife at my abdomen while my other hand secured the grip of the other. Slowly it began to move.

I was trembling. I can't do anything to stop. I was accepting the price of my in. Death had I opened for the family I claimed mine, death also to me will be bestowed. I thought it was the end.

....

But then I was stopped by a whisper.

It was different from the voice I've heard earlier.

I felt the warmth of an embrace on my back.

It said " Do not kill yourself. You may have sinned, but death is not the price. I have a different plan for you."

Light then blinded me, and slowly my consciousness left me.

I found myself in a white room. I was lying on a soft bed. I sat up and saw that I was wearing a patient's gown. A nurse entered and told me to sit down and heal, because after healing I would be sent to rehab.

As she left the room, I laid down and stared at the ceiling. I realised my mistake. I realised what I did. I had to accept that I have been weak. I have to accept that it was my mistake.

I killed my family.

But I haven't accepted it in a way that I wasn't regretful of it.

But I have already done it.

All I can do now is to change.

To be better.

To be stronger.

And will change, and never be the same. I will change for the good. I will strive and be as though I was born anew and offer my life to the one that whispered and helped me to have another chance to live again.

I closed my eyes, and let my exhaustion take over my body. I fell asleep.